Today we talked about the Habit of Self Worth. I have been taking the Habit Finder Coaching Class with Alex McMillian. I highly recommend. Reach out to me if interested in pursuing the full training. It is a tool and resource I would not want to be with out!
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All right, everyone. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome to virtual coffee chat. We are so happy to have you here. I'd love to introduce you to some of our members Emmalou. Tell us about you.
Well, I'm a consulting hypnotist with hypnosis for motivation. And I help people lower stress in under 15 minutes a day with one simple tool. I have a self hypnosis for motivation workshop coming up on Saturday and people are free to private message me on Facebook for more information. And I especially enjoy working with parents. I also have an online parenting class called power parents. And we cover a variety of topics coming from my viewpoint as a company Hoping hypnotist understanding how the mind works and how to make full use of how to make full use of your mental capabilities. And then also my retired school teacher. So I bring that perspective in as well. And I am happy to be here, Monica and love what you're teaching us about mindset and business. Awesome. So happy to have you here. Stephanie. Tell us about you and your business.
Oh, we can't hear you. Come off mute there.
Oh, there you go.
so Hi, I'm Stephanie with Oasis Palisades. We're a wellness center in Pacific Palisades. Um, I have been a entrepreneur and a business owner for over 13 years. And it's been an exciting
time growing and
with the COVID-19
demmick in the United States of America and all over the world, I guess. It's all about
building relationships, continuing relationships and, and pivoting to make things work. And I appreciate this community of ladies, it really takes to have this group of ladies every day to come and, and learn and grow and share. It's It's remarkable. So I appreciate all of you.
Oh, we appreciate you too. love having you be here. Linda, are you able to talk now or are you not able to share
Okay, that's okay.
Hi, I'm Nora. I assist horses people and pets and living their best life by sharing tools that support their body's own miraculous healing abilities in form of a patch. So I also help people with that are looking for a no drug, no chemical solution to their health and pain management. So who you know wants to look and feel younger.
Whoo, love it, love it, love it, love it and I thoroughly enjoyed the patches. Happy to have you here. So I am million mile Blondie. I help men and women with accountability, synergy strategy, empowerment and encouragement. And I'm honored to be the creator and host with my co host, Emma Lou and London for virtual coffee chats. And along with amazing women, we have regularly anywhere from three to 15 women that will join us at different times throughout the week. And it's just become such a beautiful space to share and to learn and to grow. And now expanding onto the podcast and the podcast of some of our members. So happy to be here. Today we are going to be sharing some information from a course that I have been doing with with a coach with Alex McMillan and we are learning from the habit Finder. Now it is we do have to be careful with the copyright information. So I'll be sharing bits and pieces from the success habit journal and also just kind of putting it into conversation of how it can help benefit us, I do encourage you to take the full course I think it's about a six month course, it has been life changing for me, I've found so much value and I know that this journal and this book will always be on my desk for reference. And so I could go through it several times and still not hit all of the golden nuggets that are in this course in this book. And if you're interested in more information about learning how to take the course, please make sure and message me You can find me at million mile blondie.com You can also find me a million mile Blondie on Instagram. All right, so let's dive in ladies. So today we are talking about self worth. So low self worth the five major causes of low self worth the five major causes Causes of low or challenge self worth are one unmet expectations to the comparison game. Three damage, trust for secrets and five too busy to be. Regardless of our habits of thinking, we may want us to believe no matter what we have done where we've been or what has been done to us we are unique and beyond price deep down inside underneath any fear, shame or blame. We somehow know this is even this even though some of these pesky unhealthy sabotaging habits of thinking want us to believe differently, it is time to discover the cause or causes consciously let them go and surrender to the real genuine and authentic you
why it makes a difference. Some may have believed that is selfish, egotistical or even prideful to acknowledge, let alone their own goodness, the most selfish thing We can do is to be consumed with fear, self doubt, self criticism and concerns about our own inadequacies. When we are preoccupied with these negative thoughts, we rob ourself and others of our greatest gifts. It is like burying our gifts in the earth. When we're able to identify the source of challenges to our self worth, we can target these challenges and apply principles, practices process needed to facilitate change. Review the following five cases and determine how this may impact you. And og wrote, I am nature's greatest miracle. I am not on this earth by chance. I'm here for a purpose. And that purpose is to grow into a mountain not to shrink into grain of sand. Henceforth, will I apply all my efforts to become the highest mountain of all, and I will strain my potential until it cries for mercy. That's beautiful, isn't it? I love that. And ladies, please feel free to jump in anytime to as we kind of go through this together. So number one, unmet expectations. The first most common challenge to self worth occurs when we choose to use our gifts visualization destructively, and create an unrealistic and therefore unmet expectation. Why does it make a difference when our secret desires and real intentions are focused on a life of ease, comfort and less stress? And life keeps showing up differently? Is it natural to turn inward and ask why can't I have it? What did I do wrong? What's wrong with me? When we do this we can question our worth and worthiness, ability, beliefs, ideas and contribution. We may even look to past mistakes in search of answers agrerro I have been given eyes to see and a mind to think and now I know a great secret of life for I perceive at last that all my problems too discouragements and headaches are entered with great opportunities in disguise. I will no longer be fooled by the garments they wear for my eyes are open, I will look beyond the cloth and I will not be deceived.
Make it real and make it happen.
Is there a difference between how I would like my life to be and how it is actually showing up? If so, explore the differences and create a realistic expectations. Do I ever hold my life hostage to these expectations and feel frustrated and overwhelmed? Do I even get angry when life shows up differently? If so, what impact does this have on how I feel about myself?
What are your thoughts about this first chapter ladies Any thoughts?
Well, I'm thinking of, you know, we reach certain milestones in life and we have ideas of where we wanted to be. At this point, and we also tend to compare ourselves to other people our age, or even younger. Yes. And it's easy to, you know, to look at what didn't go the way we wanted. And, and sometimes, you know, I'm thinking of a situation in my past when I was laid off from one job, and how disappointing that was at the time, it just felt like the end of the world. And then later, I was able to look back and see what because I was let go there I moved on to something else that you know, was actually much more rewarding and fulfilling. So I I you know, there's a lot of truth to what you just read in that Sometimes I think we need to be open to life. Yes. And possibilities.
Yes. And especially in the world right now with all the changes been going on, right with people losing their jobs, Case in point losing their jobs, and maybe life looks a little bit different than what we thought it would be looking like at this point in time with a lot of change and a lot of adopting has been happening. Stephanie, do you have any input on anything?
Um, well, I was listening to you. And
it's interesting because for me, my brain is all over the place and when you are reading, I wanted to respect you and so and and my time being here with you ladies, and so I was really trying to listen and have all my own stuff in going on in my head and pay attention, right? Um, so I
what i got out of it was just being grateful. Just it came down to where things are at right now. And you know what I was sharing with my granddaughter being able to be where I am right now. You know, I'm really it's a special time. Family and being on people that you love. I mean that is like that is such a reward and I'm grateful for that.
Very well said.
All right. Okay, so number two, the comparison game. One of the greatest destroyers of self worth is the comparison game, over 92% of those actively seeking to improve their lives have habits of thinking that want them to be over focused on a person's outward appearance. When we also dis value our clay, our gifts, talents and our appearance, we may think we are worth less. Why it makes a difference when we dis value our clay. And that part right there it gives me goosebumps because God gave us clay. And she created us just the way we are. And if we just value the clay that we are given, practice valuing us, we focus on our perceived shortcomings, faults and failures, and then compare this against the outward appearance. Others are worst against their very best, we beat ourselves up for not stacking up. The opposite can be true we may over emphasize the value of our possessions, appearance and talents in comparison to others, and attempt to feel better about us. Our growth industry scroll, vain attempts to intimidate others No longer will I make. Instead will I place my uniqueness on display in the marketplace. I will proclaim it Yay, I will sell it. I will begin now to accent my differences hide my similarities. So to well I apply this principle to the goods I sell salesmen and goods different from all others and proud of the difference.
Wow, that part really, really struck a chord with me How about you ladies celebrating our difference?
I think that's key. I like that I that really,
I tend to, I tend to do that in several areas. When I compare myself to other people in the multilevel marketing company or home based business that you're like, in like, you know, I'll get on a call just to listen and you'll hear people like all the amazing things they're doing, right. And then also like with dance, so I'll look at this one lady who, you know, her style versus this other lady and, you know, it's like, there's these different levels and you say, Where do I fit in, you know, and it's like, and, but we're all unique. Bottom line is like, we're all unique. It's like, I want to be as good as her, you know, but I'm still learning from her and it's like, you know, but it's like, I'm me and I'm you know, it's You know?
Yeah, that's great. I love how you put that.
And I think we also need to recognize that, you know, I think we can learn from every person we meet. And it isn't necessarily a linear, you know, one above another. It's just different qualities, different attributes. And we may, you know, someone may be better in another area than we are, but maybe we could teach them in this area. Other
Yes, very, very true.
Make it real and make it happen.
What does it mean to know yourself, choose yourself, create yourself and give yourself what parts of the clay Have you been attempting to avoid? Or do you wish were different?
Ooh, that's a good one.
Number three, damaged trust. What that is, if we've experienced traumatic events that damaged the fragile underpinnings of trust in humanity, we may have become fearful, cautious or even reclusive. We may have been unable or unwilling to let go and move forward or even believe it's possible. Why it makes a difference. Due to these events, we can identify with our unhealthy habits of thinking, the ones that question our worth and worthiness, the ones that want us to retrospectively assign wisdom and decision making the ability of a more mature adult, the ones that want us to second guess our every financial or relationship decision, the ones that talk us out of confronting unacceptable or aberrant behavior, the ones that want us to take responsibility for another person's poor judgment, poor performance or harmful behavior. The ones that tell us we should have known better, listen more intuitively, be wiser, gotten out sooner have been more responsible, acted differently. Our growth, I am nature's greatest miracle, no beast, no plant, no wind, no rain, no rock. No Lake had the same beginning as I, for I was conceived in the love and brought forth with a purpose. In the past, I have not considered this fact. But it will henceforth shape and guide my life.
Make it real and make it happen.
Have you had a traumatic experience such as the experiences discussed in the resource material? If so, are you ready to move forward using this experience as a rich resource to better understand what someone else is experiencing or would it serve to seek professional advice number four secrets What this is, we defined secrets as significant inconsistencies between our public image and our private behavior, primarily addictions or health challenges that might be embarrassing if made public. We all have areas in our lives that can be improved or we wish we were different. Most of us have overcoming compensating behaviors of one kind or another. This is different. common challenges that could lead to secret keeping includes addictions such as alcoholism, drugs and eating disorders. We want to add this list and with great care conditions such as depression, why it makes a difference. These struggles can create behaviors usually experienced in private settings for which they there may be feelings of shame. Many of these challenges have their roots in very real medical conditions that cannot be addressed with coaching or fixed with a pill or a single therapy. Because there are no visual external wounds to justify the obvious and often negative and harmful behaviors. A person and those closest to them can be left delusion confused and feeling hopeless. , I am nature's greatest miracle. I am nature's greatest miracle and nature knows no, not defeat. Eventually she emerges victorious and so will I. end with each victory the next struggle becomes less difficult. Review the list of possible secrets and determine how they impact your self worth and relationships. Would it seek? Would it serve to seek professional assistance? Number five, too busy to be what this is. We can be so focused on doing and getting things done that we look to our accomplishments for validation and value. Why it makes a difference when things do not work. out the way we hoped or circumstances occur that are beyond our control. Our self worth can still be tied to the outcome, bad outcome bad person, we can begin to take, begin to place conditions on our self worth. I am only valuable when I reach this level or when the competition or create a successful company we focus on doing at the expense of being og wrote, I am nature's greatest miracle. I will concentrate my energy on the challenge of the moment and my actions will help me forget all else. The problems in my home will be left in my home I will think not of my family when I'm in the marketplace. For this will cloud my thoughts so too will the problems of the marketplace be left in the marketplace? And I will think not of my profession when I am home for this will dampen my love. There is no room in the marketplace for my family nor is there room in my Home for the market. Each will I divorce from the other and thus I will remain wedded to both separate must they remain or my career will die. This is a paradox of the ages. Yeah, I know I've been guilty of this, where I'll be home and thinking about work and work thinking about home. Have you ladies experienced that? Yeah.
I don't believe that multitasking is effective. I think you'd be much better for focusing on one thing at a time and and giving it our whole attention and energy.
Agreed and totally agree.
Have you ever been called a workaholic? When was the last time you took a few moments? To be just with you. Do you ever feel obligated, overwhelmed or preoccupied? Are you ever demanding of others? What steps would you like to take to get back on your own radar screen?
I think that's pretty profound.
Interesting with the type of business I had, since I'm not having it the moment with massage massage is such a like you, it people call last minute because so it's either yes or no, you know, or you know, valuing your time. And, you know, when you said about what there's a triggering from you said, Are you workaholic? And I'm thinking well, what would my family say? Because, you know, how many times you know, did I go to work? Um, I mean, I, I, you know, what I'm saying is Yeah,
Yeah. make the choice to say yes or no.
It'd be interesting to see what they say right? to interview our loved ones to be like, oh yeah.
Okay being real genuine and authentic what this is the objective. The target at which we aim is to be real genuine and authentic without the need to impress pretend and feel shame or fear. This is the most important task in our mortal existence and represents the highest level of maturity. Why it makes a difference? Have you ever viewed maturity as an event that comes with age, maturity is represented by our ability to practice a GAAP a love with self and others. It is the ability to become aware of our Healthy Habits of thinking and use them fully in the service of others. Aag wrote, I am greatest. I am nature's greatest miracle since the beginning of time never has there been another with my mind, my hearts, my eyes, my ears, my hands, my hair, my mouth. None that came before. None that lived today and then that come tomorrow can walk and talk and move and think exactly as me. All men are my brothers yet I am different from each. I am a unique creature. I am nature's greatest miracle. And you know when I think about that, I sit by the window here and I look out at the trees and the birds and the flowers and I think they never think Do I look fat? Like, I mean, I'd be growing as fast as that tree over there. I'm I want to be like that tree. You know, in nature. This is just a given. It's we don't have that comparison. Some game and especially with all the social media, my sister was sharing with me a picture on Facebook where it was like family life on Facebook and it showed like this perfect family and a family family life in reality, it was like two completely different ones. And it really is interesting with all the filters and all we can really paint a picture of whatever we want to paint. And I find that really interesting and if we if we just get back to nature and being they don't do that, they just exist. They just be they just grow. They just love. It really is I got a love, right?
I like the thought of Be the change you want
love it. I love it. Yeah being It was interesting years ago I went to this conference and I remember at the end of it, she had a stand up and chant be do have and I really didn't at the time I didn't I didn't understand it. I didn't really like why are we chanting be do have and it's like Who do you need to become it's really about being and becoming that person. And now I get it years later like this is probably like 15 years later I finally get and it always stood out in my mind that we stood up and we're like, be do have and I was like what I mean being a now as I've been moving into this mindset work I understand it so much more.
Don't most people have it in reverse. They feel like well, I this is what you know, this is what I want to have. So what I need to do is work really hard. card, and then I'll be what I want to be. And that's just backwards we need to start out with being
things like like dinners. You don't have to wait till you're wealthy to be generous. You can be generous at any level. And, and then, now that you're generous, then you give of your time and resources. That's what you do. And then what you have is blessings. Exactly.
Exactly the Beingness and feeling the feeling of now, instead of waiting for whatever to happen, like, Oh, yeah, I'll be happy when? Exactly, huh? All right. Hmm. All right, being real, genuine and authentic. Alright, how effectively Are you interested in validating others, which of your gifts balanced habits of thinking might be diminished by underlining unhealthy habits of thinking and self worth? What happens to your relationships in your business when you rob yourself and others of these gifts? How do you feel when you choose to be your true self self directed and doing the right thing? I know that I it was really interesting because I'm a very eccentric person. I'm kind of quirky I'm kind of like you know, a modern day hippie child I think you know, I like I like a got a love and peace and harmony. I like bright colors. I like just different ways of thinking and that's not that's not mainstream, and it seems like for a long time, I would kind of dole my brightness down. I would I would not be as energetic or as peppy just to kind of conform and and not stay out and to not be in the. And now it's shifted. It's shifted to be this is me, this is who I am. I like bright colors. I love pineapples. I like to say, I'm a happy person, I've got lots of energy, I'm no longer going to dole my light for someone else to feel comfortable. And that's been a really big realization that it's okay to be me. It's okay to to
Yeah, that's it. Does anybody have any thoughts on that as we're, we have about 15 minutes left. Does anybody else have any? Any thoughts on that?
I like the along with the be. Well, in earlier you talked about accepting yourself. And how often do we do we find that we have been trying to measure up to what someone else wanted us to be? Maybe when we're younger, it's the authority figures in our life, and we Really want to please them so we're trying to be, but we think they want us to be until that doesn't work and then maybe we're trying to impress appear or, you know, a significant other. But I think we're the happiest when we accept ourselves as we are. and dig deep and find that passion. I think everyone has a passion, something that makes you want to get up out of bed in the morning. Something you love you believe in. You would do it even if you weren't getting paid for it. Yes, exactly. And then pursue that passion and let that be your livelihood. Because you'll be better at it. You'll be more committed.
Oh, yes, by
far, exactly. And accepting it so you didn't turn out to be the Harvard Graduate that people have, you know, or whatever, whatever it is, but you did find something you love and are committed to.
You know, I listened to Steve Harvey interview recently and he talks about his barber and he talks about how his barber loved cutting hair just it didn't matter. And when he first started with his Barber, it was something like, I don't know $6 a haircut or something like that. And, and his barber just love cutting hair. That was his thing. It Steve Harvey says just do what you love and the money will follow. And he said for that exact same haircut. He gets paid something like $1,000 a haircut or something now by Steve Harvey and it in it the level of love that his barber had for cutting hair never changed from the $6 to the thousand dollars a haircut and he gets his hair cut like used to when he had hair he said, and then he actually retired his hair styler and gave them a retirement package for taking good care of them all those years. And he was always grateful. He never, he never asked Steve Harvey for more money. He never asked Steve Harvey for a retirement package of when he lost his hair. And it was such a beautiful story that he shared. And I thought wow, like he he just did it with pride and with joy. And then he shared another story about one of his friends growing up love to mow lawns, like that's what he did. Like he was always mowing the lawns like that was a really big thing. And he grew up in he started a company where he was mowing lawns, and he still had the same level of passion. Back then when he was making hardly any money for mowing the lawns as now where he's got a multi million dollar business, you know, having Lawns Mowed all over across the country and doing the lawn service, so he was saying so if you're good at Oh, he also gave me the the analogy of who makes the pies the really good pies, Marie Marie care. What's her name? calendar? Yeah, Marie calendar. So he told that story too. And he was talking about how she does love making these pies. And the money just followed. She just did what she loved. And the money just followed. And it was really a beautiful story. I'll see if I can find it. And then I'll post it in virtual coffee chat because it was a really great little, little story that he talked about.
I feel a little bit of this with my dance classes because I am able to offer my dance classes complimentary and it feels good to be able to do that. And I do have a handful of clients who are paying me so So it's great to have the balance where you can so amazingly offer like hey, just come, come come, you know, just come I know, and because other people are contributing so
that's great. That's awesome yeah doing what you love and trusting that the money will follow and already been before the having and being grateful for the bean and that's what when we started our talk earlier before we actually started recording and where we are, we are talking about the meditations and and that's really we're getting into the subconscious brain the work that you do Emmylou is really helping people to move into what does it feel like to be already that person to move into the Beingness so meditation and moving into the subconscious brain gets us there, faster.
visualization, a lot of athletes will mentally you know, the golfer will go through that perfect fat. The sprinter will run the race in his mind. And your body doesn't know the difference between what's real and what's imagined. So it will just make it happen.
Amazing the power of the brain. Amazing. Does anybody have any final thoughts before we stop recording today?
I was just going to say that the person that you were talking about earlier that we were looking up, it's the same thing about the mindset and visualizing and believing and
living in that space.
Yes, exactly. Exactly. Emily, were you gonna say something
Yeah, really good insights. Wonderful.
I can say something that adds to the please please. I already shared this when you in your group when you were not here. I love how you have this whole thing and you
yes I post
Earl Nightingale This is from 1950 Earl Nightingale was one of the original motivational speakers I really don't know a lot about him but this is what they were saying he was saying and preaching to people. You are what you think about all day long. If you wish to be rich you will and then he had gone on if you wish to be Baba you will if you wish to be Baba you will mark to 923 believe all things possible. And his book which you can find on audio on YouTube, believe and succeed. We believe what we think About, we need to control our thoughts control our life and limit ourself in limits, our self imposed. limits are self imposed. Beautiful. That's a good one to end on. Right? Oh, I love it.
I love it. I'm so glad that you share that. That's awesome.
Emily, do you have any final thoughts or, again and perhaps rock star?
Thank you. Thank you, Monica.
All right. Do you have any final thoughts before we stop the recording today? Oh,
all right. Okay, so this has been wonderful ladies of virtual coffee chat. We're gonna end the recording here in a few moments. This is being broadcast on my A brand new podcast called million mile Blondie super excited. I've had 10 episodes now and growing and growing and growing, I think over 100 downloads. So really happy about all the love and support. I do ask a favor of everyone that's listening to this will go to http://www.ratethispodcast.com/mmb
So that concludes today's coffee chat.